jojo ♥

Tuesday, June 22

Rambles

It is so tiring to go up against a wall.

It simply stays put, quiet and so silent... that I cannot help but wonder if it heard me at all. It only stands there.

And this completely irks me, because it does not reply and it does not help. In fact, it only builds up and go higher - making it harder to scale and complete.

The list of things I need to do it long, and I cannot do it without help because I am not allowed to.

The silence is making me go quite mad, and especially with the whole lessons and study during my leisure time - I feel like I'm being stretched at times, and I have no one understanding to grouse to.

I do try to get it out, but it seems they are just passed over and no one hears it. So in it goes, bottled up. I resent, but I guess I understand: I feel like my grouses and me are too old for me.

Okay, I know I have been told that I should stop thinking that. But I cannot help it when I am again reminded and reminded that I am not young. And if I am not young, then I must be old. That only make sense right?

So continues the old feeling.

Now I feel happiest on weekends when I get to live like a student - going for class from 9am to 5pm. Sometimes, I actually forget it's the weekend! To be able to stressed out for not understand how to calculate Variance, and to think hard about what to have for lunch - that's easypeasy and fun.

And the best person to listen to me now is my Momma. I know, I sound like a mumsy girl but really, it's just easier to air my grouses to her.

I should really learn to be happier for small things now. Perhaps all my wild dreams finally caught up and made me expect too much. So perhaps dash that mansion, and the fleet of sports cars, and go dreaming for a decent apartment in a decent town.

I wonder if that's too much to ask from myself.

08:59