jojo ♥

Sunday, February 28

Dum dum. The sound of not doing anything.

Perhaps I should liven up.

15:20

I feel like the grass outside my house - parched beyond relief.

15:18

Saturday, February 27

Sometimes I can be very impatient and be rather short with people. I think it's rather unhealthy - not for those I'm short with, but on the me with the short fuse.

I don't know why. Perhaps I was in a bad mood then. But it is certainly not nice, and lousy on me that I cannot rein in some irritation.

Hmms.

18:31

Monday, February 22

The Awesome Jojo over the not so awesome Michael. :D

23:18

Friday, February 19

我愿意-王菲

19:59

Tuesday, February 16

Oh god, I'm so repetitive. The same issues, the same worries, just a different day. Feeling nothing and emptiness, being jaded, not giving what a shit I do.

I try to control myself - as much as I abhor the whole social fakeness, I know it's important. But I still feel empty, I guess like, I don't know. Perhaps I just don't know where I am going, or what I'm doing. Okay, life isn't certain and that's the fun, but....

I don't know, perhaps I'm very silly. I want the fun of not knowing my life route, that's more adventurous. At the same time, I want the guarantee that things will turn out good for me - it doesn't have to be multi-millionaire with apartments all over the world, but good enough to live the life I want.

Also, I hate the whole let's smile and be happy now, we can bitch behind their backs world. We can smile and take pictures together, we don't have to like each other! It just irks me that people can be fake. And be so goddamn okay with it.

Perhaps I should learn to like the world's terms. Smile and bitch behind them like the best of them!

01:36

There's a overwhelming want to be heard, but what do I do? I have nothing to say.

00:20

Sunday, February 14

HAPPY VALENTINE'S! :D

00:22

Saturday, February 13

Awesome Michael came over and sawed, nailed and fixed up this thing from some planks of wood. :D

The tiny orange that he hammered, letting the juice fly all over me. AH.

Aren't I always rambling?

20:13

Friday, February 12

Last class ever in Poly.
Last lunch after class.
Last assignments, last project!

No more rubbish talks, phases and fun. :(

Haha, who am I kidding.

15:47

With Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year on the same day this year, I came up with this question: Which was more important?

I told Michael that Valentine's Day is more important to me. For me, CNY is nothing more than visiting my grandmother and staying there. The thing is, my maternal family is small.

Besides, I often meet up with them - so much so that meeting them again on that day is no occasion. My cousins and I also have huge paternal families - they all leave early to visit, while I traditionally visit on CNY 2. So it kind of gets boring.

On the other hand, Valentine's feels like a bigger deal to me. After all, this will be my only second V Day! I know that sentence will have more impact if it's my first, but alas. I spent my virgin Valentine's Day last year with Mike. :D

But of course, there are people who say: everyday can be Valentine's Day! Well, honestly, I think it's different. You don't make the effort to go out to celebrate romance do you? I mean, I thought dates were meant for having fun and unwind, not celebrate romance.

Sooooooooo, you see, I pick V Day.

*rambles rambles*

15:45

Wednesday, February 10

Melody says:
haha
zorro misses yoy
you
viit him soon
dark chocolate! says:
and you know
how?
haha
Melody says:
HAHAHHAHAHAHHAS
dark chocolate! says:
*huggies zorro*
Melody says:
I can read his mind
WHOO
dark chocolate! says:
hahaha
right
Melody says:
i'm going to the gyn
wanna go
okay forget it
HAHAHAHHAHAs
LOLS
i think its as answering myself
-.-
dark chocolate! says:
i wanna go too!
soon
Melody says:
HAHAS
i'm going
NOW
like in 20 mins
dark chocolate! says:
i cant, tuition
Melody says:
meet me meet me
screw your kid
):
dark chocolate! says:
no thanks
he's 7!!!!
Melody says:
HAHAHHAS
dark chocolate! says:
*looks of horror*
you sick person
i'm telling lucas!

See Lucas! Your girlfriend is one sick person! She wants to in her words, screw, my 7-year-old tuition kid!

15:25

Happy 21st Birthday Michael!

Wishing you a grand smashing birthday where you won’t get drunk, will get lots of presents and have lots of fun! To a great many happy years ahead, you matured man!

I hope you had fun!
Xoxo, Jojo

pictures soon

10:57

I suppose everyone's characters and behaviors are influenced and shaped by our thought leaders and people around us. Simply, we are who we are because of the people, things and events in our lives.

Which do sounds a lot like common sense I conced.

I just happened to come upon the idea of the make-up of my own personality. It's not sudden; more like something I gave a little thought to time to time. Like, how I tend to be strong. I don't always succeed but as long as no one really knows that the strong facade is not more than just that, it didn't matter.

So I believe children from divorced families would turn out just fine, I believe poor families don't necessarily have it worse off than richer families, I believe unfair social norms are rubbish (such as, that polytechnics are for dumb people).

Sometimes, what I believe in affects no one at all but me. To cite an oft used scenario: I picked poly, for a small part, to show people that reasonably smart people (I like to think my O Levels grades were quite decent) do pick polytechnics. In the end, it changes no one's perception and only lessens my chance of making it to local universities. Silly at best, aren't I?

I admit it was a foolish thing to do. After all, what can one do but move with social norms? I could very well be a first year student now. Or not. Hmm.

But like I said, being strong - and therefore, independent and reliable - is something I try to be. More likely than not, it stemmed from not wanting to conform to the stereotypes set by society; especially one I didn't like at all. I would like to be different from the stereotypical, and be just another wallflower. Did it matter if I am not quite that independent and reliable, that I truly need someone to hold my hands, that I need friends?

I hope not.

I hope no one saw through my facade.

I think being attached to Michael for a year and 5 months made me trust him, care a lot for him, really really like him and love him. Our ups and downs helps us grow, and I really care so much that I hope whatever differences or fights we have will always always be resolved - and quickly! Haha.

I think I may very well suffer without him. I'd love to tell him, but it may inflate his more than healthy ego!

Being attached to such a guy also make me lose my independence. I'm not sure I saw it as a good thing at first - it felt like a threat to my system. Honestly, Michael is my first real boyfriend. I have never felt such a loss of control. I was so unused to my dependence on him - I seek his opinion about things most random, have a need to tell him about my thoughts that I usually only share with HuiJing when my brain threatens to explode from 'over-bottling' (which is not often), have a unexplainable need to want him by my side and hug him all the time. I suppose I required a huge overhaul on my system - I was that uncomfortable with losing what I considered myself.

But looking back now, this is me. Behind the strong person I try to be, I am this independent girl but at times needy girlfriend, this strong nothing-can-go-wrong worrywart, this reliable person who also needs to rely on people around me. Now, was that so bad?

Side note: I shall try not to worry about universities!!

P.S. I hearts you, Michael Foo.

00:49