jojo ♥

Wednesday, October 11

i know im not excatly regularly updating here but what.. actually i dnt really know wha im upset abt. okay, so i pronounce stuff weirdly and dont speak properly. so much fo a mass comm student wanna-be right?

i immediately thought that it's due to parentage. my parents, almost entire family tree, dont excatly use english, good english with me. so maybe that's why?

but then i thought, so shing's. his english is good. so why cant mine be? maybe i just dont practise enough. always using lahs and lors and.. hanging out with ppl who do the same?

what a crappy reason. but, i dont like that feeling! why cant i speak properly? it's not like i havent tried correctly my eng, read plenty of books.. guess the only thing i havent done is use that pronunciation disc thingy that ahyi gave me. what a joke. worse, my windows media player is not working. i hate this! what with me and tech/pronunciation stuff? freak.

and of course, it comes with a whole lot of flaws. no, dont worry. im not sick anywhere or anything. just.. self-aware? i mean, now i know how bad my eng is. oh! it's like.. piling on me now. everything, from clar to basic things like friends, im like starting to subconsciously blame it on that pronunciation thing. dumbass! back to other flaws.. including my challenged height, my weight, my legs, my addmath! freak. i jus dropped it. so what? stop acting like im a freak or something. it's doesnt make me one alright. so? big deal. im hating everyone who gave masita the strange look now. what for? so i dont do addmath. big deal. screw you all.

i dont know why im so nice. i didnt blame jingwen for not giving my belated belated make-up-for-valentines' present. i photocopy stuff for ppl. i do this. i do that. why? for what? ugh.

i feel downright selfish, downright dumb, downright freaking stupid.

see, even khaiyew dont talk to me. what the fuck. okay, im sorry. i shouldnt have dragged it. i should have gave him an explantion. im fucking sorry. but if you dont wanna be friends, then dont say you want to okay? he's like ignoring me. stupid ass. whatever. whatever. poly. new life right?

woah, aint i pessimistic. whatever.

06:36